I have named my post 84 days because that is how many days I have from today until January 1st. I am hoping this can put things into perspective for me. My weight loss journey has been pretty much non-existent and that has to change! I was off to a good start a few weeks ago, but then I re-injured my knee in a Zumba class and instead of resting... I went to a Piloxing class AND a Zumba class the following week and further injured it. I am still struggling with knee issues which lead to the return of my infamous lower back spasms. Those were so bad I could barely walk last Friday and had to go to an Urgent Care. Ugh! The back is still a little bothersome and so is the knee, but I cannot wait any longer to really start losing this weight.
January 1st is the day I have chosen because January is when my OBGYN wants to see me again if I am not pregnant. She wants to start the 'next steps' towards trying to get pregnant then. I am setting a realistic goal of 30 lbs by then. I feel that if I can lose at least 30 lbs I will be at a much better point than I am now. I just want to give myself the best possible chances if we need to go the Clomid/Femara route. Anything that can help me get pregnant faster and before more expensive treatments become the only options.
The knee and back issues are just another sign that this weight really needs to start coming off before I get pregnant. The issues I have now will only be aggravated by pregnancy. So 84 days it is! 84 days of trying to eat better and do some form of exercise regularly. The time is now and this Queen of Procrastination can afford to procrastinate no more!
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Monday, October 1, 2012
I'm still around...
Well, this will be a quick post... I think?
I am getting so tired of all of the negative pregnancy tests and feeling like this is just never going to happen. I didn't think I could get to the point where I actually get resentful of other women's pregnancy announcements. Today, I did. I really do not like being that person. It is nothing against the women who got lucky, it is more about me liking myself even less. What is so wrong with me that I can't get pregnant? The only thing I can think of is my weight and I fail myself daily in losing it. I only do good on a diet when I am exercising... however, since I hurt my knee at Zumba 2 weeks ago, I haven't done anything. My knee still has a knot and it hurts to walk. It was making painful popping noises today. I cannot think of any exercise, other than swimming, that I can do with my knee like this. I don't have access to a pool. So I feel very discouraged all over again. Just 'eating right' is never enough for me... I need to see a calorie burn and KNOW how hard I worked for it. Only then do I find the willpower to pass up the high calorie dinner or sweet treat. Yes, it's dumb! However, after all this time I do know myself pretty well. I really need to figure out someway to exercise soon! If we have to pursue fertility testing in January, I need my weight to be at least 30lbs lighter! My OBGYN did not say that, but I do!
Anyhow, I guess I am just feeling defeated today. This knee injury is really bumming me out, then add to it being sick all weekend, and a negative pregnancy test this morning... well, I think I just want to crawl in bed and pull the covers over my head. *sigh*
I am getting so tired of all of the negative pregnancy tests and feeling like this is just never going to happen. I didn't think I could get to the point where I actually get resentful of other women's pregnancy announcements. Today, I did. I really do not like being that person. It is nothing against the women who got lucky, it is more about me liking myself even less. What is so wrong with me that I can't get pregnant? The only thing I can think of is my weight and I fail myself daily in losing it. I only do good on a diet when I am exercising... however, since I hurt my knee at Zumba 2 weeks ago, I haven't done anything. My knee still has a knot and it hurts to walk. It was making painful popping noises today. I cannot think of any exercise, other than swimming, that I can do with my knee like this. I don't have access to a pool. So I feel very discouraged all over again. Just 'eating right' is never enough for me... I need to see a calorie burn and KNOW how hard I worked for it. Only then do I find the willpower to pass up the high calorie dinner or sweet treat. Yes, it's dumb! However, after all this time I do know myself pretty well. I really need to figure out someway to exercise soon! If we have to pursue fertility testing in January, I need my weight to be at least 30lbs lighter! My OBGYN did not say that, but I do!
Anyhow, I guess I am just feeling defeated today. This knee injury is really bumming me out, then add to it being sick all weekend, and a negative pregnancy test this morning... well, I think I just want to crawl in bed and pull the covers over my head. *sigh*
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