Well, this will be a quick post... I think?
I am getting so tired of all of the negative pregnancy tests and feeling like this is just never going to happen. I didn't think I could get to the point where I actually get resentful of other women's pregnancy announcements. Today, I did. I really do not like being that person. It is nothing against the women who got lucky, it is more about me liking myself even less. What is so wrong with me that I can't get pregnant? The only thing I can think of is my weight and I fail myself daily in losing it. I only do good on a diet when I am exercising... however, since I hurt my knee at Zumba 2 weeks ago, I haven't done anything. My knee still has a knot and it hurts to walk. It was making painful popping noises today. I cannot think of any exercise, other than swimming, that I can do with my knee like this. I don't have access to a pool. So I feel very discouraged all over again. Just 'eating right' is never enough for me... I need to see a calorie burn and KNOW how hard I worked for it. Only then do I find the willpower to pass up the high calorie dinner or sweet treat. Yes, it's dumb! However, after all this time I do know myself pretty well. I really need to figure out someway to exercise soon! If we have to pursue fertility testing in January, I need my weight to be at least 30lbs lighter! My OBGYN did not say that, but I do!
Anyhow, I guess I am just feeling defeated today. This knee injury is really bumming me out, then add to it being sick all weekend, and a negative pregnancy test this morning... well, I think I just want to crawl in bed and pull the covers over my head. *sigh*
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